I have a life verse- Most of you probably have one also – you know that verse – when you first read it – it jumped out at you; you had no trouble memorizing it, and it comes back to mind very frequently…. God gave me mine when I was 16…

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

Actually, at 16, I don’t think I had any idea what that verse actually meant! But over the years I have learned it well.

I became intimately acquainted with this verse beginning September 2013 when my mother, friend, and spiritual mentor was diagnosed with brain cancer. She was a special woman: An ardent peacemaker, with a lovely smile, a genuine friend, unconditionally loving people and fervently praying them into the kingdom of God. She had a way about her, rare in today’s modern world of looking into a person with genuine interest. She noticed everyone God brought across her path: the checker at the grocery store, the lonely elderly man fishing on the pier, the insecure new mother at the playground. She befriended many. She had a unique ability to see people as God saw them. To her, everyone was beautiful, deserving and valuable. What happens when you spend time with someone like her is – you begin to see yourself as she saw you; therefore also as God sees you.

She used to spend hours studying the Bible and memorizing scripture. The summer before she got sick, she was studying the book of Isaiah. The way she approached study was very simple. She would pray, then open God’s word. As she read, she would take note of what God revealed to her in two columns… 1) What does this say about God and 2) What does this say about me? She loved to get all the fluff and stuff out of the way and really focus on the truth of who God said He was/is, and who he said she was. And I think the fruit of her life was an overflow of her knowledge of just how BIG God is and how He loved and cherished her.

What do WE know to be true about God’s character?

Every time Mom would come across a word describing God in her readings she would write it in the front of her Bible. Two pages are absolutely covered with names describing who the Bible told her God is: Creator, Counselor, Savior, Strength, Shepherd, Hiding place, Shelter, Light of life, Rock, Eye of the Storm! These are just a few of the many she found, and every new aspect of God’s character she found enriched her understanding and confidence in God. He is so big and all encompassing. We can really not begin to comprehend the whole of all he is. But it feels wonderful just letting all of who He is wash over you. God is faithful to all His attributes all the time. He is never changing. Best of all, He promises infinite benefits for knowing and calling on His name – salvation, forgiveness, help, guidance, protection, perseverance, and so much more. It is essential to know the names of God.

In fact, I would even venture to say that the joy and confidence with which we face trials, is in direct proportion to how much we believe God is all He says He is.

Then, what do WE know to be true about us as believers? God tells us very clearly in scripture who He says we are:

Ps.45:11– Beautiful, Jer.31:3– Loved, Eph.2:10– Special, Jer.29:11– Created for a purpose, Eph.3:17– Cared for, Dan.12:3– Lovely, ICor.6:20– Precious, Ps.68:35– Strong, 1Pet.2:9– Important, Ps. 103:12– Forgiven, 2Cor.5:17- A new creation, Ps.121:3– Protected, Phil. 4:13– Empowered, Jn. 15:16- Chosen, Ps.43:1– You are mine.

Again, these are some of my favorites; and just a fraction of what God reveals to us in His word. A woman named Sylvia Gunter has an organization called, The Father’s Business. They put out some neat booklets. One is called, He is the I am.  It lists 365 names of God. Another is called, Who I am in Christ. It has pages of promises with scripture about who God says we are in Him as believers.

In her intro to the, He is the I am, Sylvia Gunter writes,

“The two most important truths every believer needs to know are who God is and who they are in Him. Who God is comes first, because our lives will reflect the God we know.”

We need to realize that God is ALL He says He is, ALL the time. It is crucial to wrap our minds around these truths and internalize them – cling to them. In turn, it gives us the perfect lens to view life through.

Mom had a favorite saying, “The best place to be is helpless and hopeless.” She believed this because only when we are in this state, do we truly rely on God alone. My sister told me about a conversation she and mom had right before Mom got sick; mom said that her faith had lost some of its “zest”,  AND She was praying that God would send her something to shake up her faith! You can’t have a favorite saying like “Helpless and Hopeless is the best” and then pray that prayer!!!! Right????

As I said earlier, Mom was also very committed to memorizing passages of scripture. She always complained that her feeble mind wasn’t very good at memorizing, but she was committed. She would write the passage on a note card and carry it with her running over it often throughout the day. That last summer, here is what her card read…

I took you from the ends of the earth; from its farthest corners, I called you. I said you are my servant; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 40:8-10

Love, God (Smiley face)

Such a perfect verse to show God’s promise of life purpose, being chosen by Him, His comfort – cheer – encouragement and of God’s personal care! Does this mean God will solve all our earthly problems? No! but to be held in His righteous hand is an invitation to trust Him without any reservation, even unto the end of THIS life.

Well, in late summer, Mom started forgetting little things and began to have strange feelings of unease. Then, on Labor Day of 2013, she had what we later realized was a seizure which caused her to suddenly have complete speech arrest. MRI showed a “Mass effect” next to her thalamus with radiating fingers throughout the left side of the brain. Steroids and anti-seizure meds decreased the swelling in her brain and about 75% of her speech came back within the week. Writing and reading were also compromised. Next, a brain biopsy confirmed that it was an inoperable stage III tumor: Astrocytoma

If I had known half of how difficult it would be, I think I would have run! But God gives you strength for the day, no more, no less, and we learned to rely on Him day by day.

*Through the daily chemo and radiation which made her weak and nauseous and her beautiful hair to thin.

*Through steroids that made her face swell, skin to thin and hip muscles to weaken – which caused falls, bruising and torn skin, which wouldn’t heal.

*Through anti-seizure meds that helped lessen the seizures, but made her foggy and more confused.

*Through persistent seizures that robbed her more and more of speech, the ability to read and comprehend.

*Through blood clots in both legs that necessitated blood thinning shots in the stomach – and more bruising.

*Through a case of shingles brought on by the stress of the illness, which caused itchy sores all over her neck.

*Through decreased mobility and independence eventually necessitating a wheelchair and a hospital bed in the den.

*Through eventually, diapers, oxygen, and morphine…

She became the definition of helpless. Yet – she was NOT hopeless because she had spent so much of her life hiding God’s word in her heart and reflecting on the truth of God’s character and who He said she was. Often she would smile and shake her head, sometimes she would manage to say, “I wonder why?” It wasn’t a why me…but a, “I wonder what God is doing or going to do through this.”

In addition to the physical consequences of her disease, her life was altered in profound other ways as well. Mom was a huge talker and a people person. She was relational to her core. Can you imagine someone like HER not being able to talk in full sentences for a year? Not being able to communicate her thoughts and feelings? Not being able to ask how YOU are? Not being able to read the bible or pray? Her life spun a complete 180deg.

Once I asked her if she regretted anything in her life or if she wished she had done anything differently, she said simply and gently, “No”… she was completely content, at rest in the fact that God had ordained all her days.

Listen to this verse out of Psalms 139:13-16

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; AND ALL THE DAYS ORDAINED FOR ME WERE WRITTEN IN YOUR BOOK BEFORE ONE OF THEM CAME TO BE.

That’s a big verse. It alludes to a timelessness. God exists apart from time. He was there to knit us together; and all our days are ordained and written in His book – when we’re born, when we die and all the days in between. He is standing on the other side of time to welcome us back home to Him. I believe that God saw the last 15 months of my mom’s life when he knit her together. Before she was born that last chapter was already written. From a human standpoint, it’s hard to fathom. But from His standpoint, it makes perfect sense. His concern is less for our earthly pleasure, but more for letting our earthly experiences, however difficult, draw us to Him.

And resting in this truth, Mom and I did experience joy throughout the trial of her illness…

We had our “Spa days” when I would shower her, fix her hair and paint her nails. She always motioned for me not to brush too hard; she did not want to lose her beautiful hair! She did lose most of it in the end, but not her signature bangs!!

One of the hardest things to see was that mom could no longer read and study God’s word as she had loved to. She could not recall all the scripture she had so diligently memorized.  Interesting…the one thing God did not take from her was her ability to sing harmony. Even toward the end, I would wheel her outside into the sunshine and bring a hymnal. I would flip randomly through and sing hymn by hymn. And she would hum in harmony. After each song, I would pick ideas out of the song and tell her,

“ It says here that God is faithful and that He loves you. Do you know that?” and she would simply say, “That’s true.”

The next song might say God is merciful and mighty…”That’s true”,

the next, Savior and friend…”That’s true”,

and the next, Jesus is coming again, “That’s true.”

Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so…. Do you believe that Ma? ”That’s true”….

God saw all her days before one of them came to be, even cancer.

One time after getting mom ready for bed a few months before she died, she looked at me and said in a rare moment of clarity…”Imagine if you were me?”…. I replied, ”I would rather be hit by a truck.” She simply said, “me too.” And I reminded her gently that a truck did not seem to be in God’s plan for her. She smiled sweetly and closed her eyes, resting in the fact that if God had allowed this to be a part of His plan, it was a mystery she would have to accept.

Often, when I would leave her all tucked in for the night, I would tell her “See you tomorrow unless God calls you home or Jesus comes again”. She would always smile. 

God brought her home to him November 17th 2014, after 14 months of illness. Her body was ravaged and worn out. The last few days, she wasn’t really aware of anything. The night she died it poured rain. And as I drove over to the house after getting the call from my dad, I cried tears of relief and joy that she was home at last. And I felt that God was crying tears of joy from heaven as he embraced her in his arms. I don’t really even feel that my Mom is gone. Her beautiful soul exists just as it always did. Now it’s just in heaven with a new body and unconfined by time and earth. And I can’t wait to see her again.

I am so thankful to God for a mom who modeled peace and acceptance and pure unwavering trust in her Lord. In the end, nothing really matters but that our hearts are surrendered to all that He is. And when they are surrendered, we find our purpose in glorifying Him and enJOYing Him forever.

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