“When I was a boy and I would see scary things, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers–so many caring people in this world.” – Fred Rogers, a.k.a Mr. Rodgers – from Mr. Rodger’s Neighborhood

Life is not meant to be lived alone. God created us to be relational beings; in relationship with Him and also in relationship with one another. This is especially true in times of “disaster”. When there is trouble in your life, sometimes it is hard to let others help you. Sometimes when you see someone in trouble, it’s hard to know what to do. Throughout my mom’s brain cancer journey, I saw another God-truth emerge:

When we are helpless and hopeless, we are forced to accept help from others, and others are compelled in a unique way to help and comfort.

It was very humbling for mom to accept the help she needed. However, her helplessness left her no choice. She was emptied of all pride and forced to embrace the helpers; and in turn, this allowed the helpers to be “Jesus with skin on” for her.

During the 14 months of mom’s illness, “helpers” abundantly blessed us. People from Mom and Dad’s church, Mom’s Community Bible Study, Extended family, Friends, Neighbors all jumped in with offers of help. Many people kindly offered to visit or sit with Mom, but that proved very straining on her. When a friend would stop by, she would search and strain for correct words and sentences leaving her frustrated and exhausted.

A gifted relationalist all her life, mom no longer had the ability to ask people her favorite questions, “How are you really? And what has God been doing in your life lately?” I’ve never known anyone who really wanted to know how a person was as much as she did. She cared about people to her core. She would sometimes lose herself interceding for others in prayer for half a day. During the cancer journey, her words and her prayers became fewer and fewer.

BUT that did not mean there was nothing else to be done! “Helpers” rose to the challenge and were selfless in their giving and care. Meals arrived, store runs were made, flowers and little gifts of cheer arrived, and those endless cards and notes! I am certain – not one day in 14 months went by without at least one card arriving in the mail – hundreds of handwritten cards that brought so much encouragement. Cards came from all over New Jersey, many other states, Catalina Island and even England. The funny thing was – Mom was in awe of how many cards she received. She had no idea how many people’s lives she had touched over the years. Through those cards, Mom received the gift of knowing how far reaching her own ministry to others had been.

Other “helpers” became prayer warriors on her behalf. Even up to the end we believed it was entirely possible for God to miraculously heal her. I know that many of the prayer warriors shared that same confidence and faithfully prayed for complete healing. Daily, as she and the family were prayed for, we felt lifted up – almost as if floating on a cloud of prayer. Healing never came, but strength for each day did. Mom also rarely had any pain for most of the 14 months. This seemed to surprise the doctors, but we saw God’s hand holding the pain at bay.

Then there were mini miracles, God-sent “helpers” who were thrust into our circumstances by divine intervention.

A neurosurgeon who told us he was a believer too. He even prayed – out loud – for Mom and our family in the pre-op room moments before he was going in to take out a piece of her skull and biopsy her brain. His care was expert, and he exuded God’s gentle love with the difficult diagnosis.

An oncology nurse at the hospital, who had been in a prayer group with Mom decades ago, became our inside source when we had extra questions or concerns. I know she took extra special care of us and prayed for healing, grace, and peace. She also cried tears of compassion when the oncologist gave us the news it was time to stop chemo and begin hospice.

Then there was us…just normal us….

I know that God supernaturally prepared our immediate family in advance for all we would do to help Mom along her end-of-life journey. God even tells us so in Ephesians 2:10.

“We are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

There’s that allusion to the timelessness of God again! God prepared our good work in advance of us ever knowing or considering what that might be. There is no telling what all God may have in store for us! But because God makes us and God makes the good work, we can be confident we will be perfectly suited to the tasks we’re called to.

What an encouragement this is, what a peace it brings, what JOY!

And here is the evidence….
Dad was the rock of the family. A devoted husband and father for 45 years – always there, trustworthy, a faithful supporter. He was Vice President of an engineering firm, yet he retired early from his successful career to take on the daily challenge of Mom’s care. His highly organized “engineer” brain learned quickly how to manage medications as well as manage the home and cooking which Mom had done for 45 years. There was nothing that man did not do! It was truly amazing and something that could only be attributed to the strength of God empowering him every day.

Then there was me. Conveniently, 13 years before, God placed my family in a home 5 minutes down the road from my parent’s home; so it was logical and practical that I become very involved. I also have a nursing degree that prepared me to do hands-on help with wound care and other nursing tasks Dad was not comfortable with. I was able to help take mom to doctor appointments and help make medical decisions about her treatment plan. Like dad, I am a planner and a doer. We had Mom’s days organized and run like a well-oiled machine. Dad always said, “Plan the work and work the plan”. Again, God had laid the perfect groundwork for the good work we would need to do.

Thankfully, “working the plan” day in and day out was not all God had planned. God blessed our family over-and-above with my brother Jeff, who is a pastor. He came over frequently and faithfully to do the good work God prepared in advance for him. Jeff is very different from Dad and me. He is a peacemaker like Mom and gifted with a passion for song. He brought the comforting spirit of the Lord into our routine with his music. He played hymns and sang with Mom while she hummed. You could see her sweet spirit light up whenever Jeff was around. He would also patiently sit with her; looking at pictures from old family photo albums. If it were just up to dad and me to be Mom’s immediate helpers, something would have been drastically missing. God knew that when He made my brother Jeff.

Wait – there’s more. And because God is not just good, but VERY good, He also gave us my sister, Meghan. Meghan lives in Maryland. It wasn’t easy for her to bring her husband and family of three young, rambunctious boys 4 hours north to New Jersey. Yet, she made the trek over and over. She barely had the kids out of the car at my house before she was running over to Mom’s to be with her. Mom and Meg have always had a special connection. Many times, I would find my sister just snuggled in bed with mom, eating cookies with her, or just holding her hand. I know Mom worried most about Meghan under the circumstances because of Meg’s tender heart. How would she cope? Well, it became evident very quickly that Meg would follow Mom’s lead and trust God in all things – even to the point of faithfully updating an online journal so others would know what was going on and how to pray. She always included just the right scripture with the journal entry and love flowed through her words for both God and Mom.

God had it all planned out from the beginning; from before we ever imagined there would be a need.

Every day was hard, but they were made easier by the joining of our individual strengths.

Dad – the “brain”.
Me – the “brawn”.
Jeff – the “spirit” and
Meghan – the “heart”.

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God perfectly prepared each of us to do our part through Mom’s cancer journey. He called her home to be with him sooner than I would have liked, but He is the author of this story we call life. He is the Creator, the Designer, the Preparer of good works. He is the Helper of the helpers. It was a privilege to be a helper during mom’s final days here. It is a continual JOY to know His perfect care, plan, and provision for us. And a special JOY to know the hands that faithfully prepared my family for such a time as this, will also lovingly embrace us in glory one day.